Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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