just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
