It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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