Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
