How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
