whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
