Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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