dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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