I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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