Kiss
Puke
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
