When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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