I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
