i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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