it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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