Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
