i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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