Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
