Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
