Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
