He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
