Having a random hookup so left but love u
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
