so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
