i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
