was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
