she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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