this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
