He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He did a backflip because drugs
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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