I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
