he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
