he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
