I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
