Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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