I can text with my tongue
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
