My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
