So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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