Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
