I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
