when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
