I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
