i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
