i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
