cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
