I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
