Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
