remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
ugly people sure do ruin things
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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