Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
