Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
