ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
