Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
