On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
wow bdsm is so cute
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
